It's finally Spring in Pittsburgh! The sun is shining and I am so happy about it! I hope everyone had a great weekend!!
Time for a little honesty here on the ole blog!!
I am calling myself out!
About six months ago I kind of broke things off with my boyfriend. It was due to many reasons but mostly because he was again smoking pot. I know a lot of people do this and do not see any harm in it however there is a background story. When he smokes pot it is all day, everyday. Also he has these crazy mood swings and he get very nasty and abusive. Not physically but verbally. He does not get nasty with me but with his grown kids and I cannot stand to be around it.
We have known each other since 2005 and I do consider him a friend just no longer a boyfriend.
So, this last time we tried to make "us" work as a couple was after he had a double stroke in July of last year. I went to visit in the hospital and he swore he was done with the weed.
Long story short, by October things were back to what they usually are and he was smoking weed and lying right to my face about it. Also, he was getting really nasty with his kids and aids that came to help him at the house. I just slowly lost those "feelings" for him.
When I started working on my floors in October, all of my extra time was spent at my home working and he finally quit calling since I was not coming over like he wanted. I just kind of let things go and we have not spoken since.
Over the weekend, I ran into a mutual friend that told me that my old boyfriend went to South Carolina with his brother for a vacation and it got me thinking about him and our friendship and how he was doing. So....after 6 months I called him. UGH. Probably a bad idea but I really care about him and want to know how he is doing. (In full disclosure...I am secretly hoping that someday he will get his act together and quit the weed.)
He answered right away and said he was at a family gathering at his sisters house. I told him to call me later but he thanked me for calling and said he could talk.
He said his depression has gotten really bad a couple months ago, so he went into the hospital to get everything adjusted. He said he is doing much better now although he will never drive after the stroke (that makes him a little upset). He said he is no longer smoking weed - he tells me this EVERY time we talk so I do not believe this but we shall see.
We caught up a little on life (his vacation, my vacation and work stuff) and then I said I better get going. He said he would like to go to dinner to catch up sometime and I told him to call me and we would see.
Oh how I would love to see him get his crap together! I honestly thought after the stroke that would be the big change but sadly it was not.
I care about him a lot and love him a lot. He is so supportive of me and thinks I am amazing! He supports me in everything I do and thinks I am the smartest person he knows. He makes me feel like I am unstoppable however the actions with his family and the weed will always be in the way I am afraid!
I will keep you posted but I am definitely not hopeful that anything has changed...we have been through this so many times! We start going to dinner, he lies about no smoking anymore, we start dating again, I get sucked in, and then I find him smoking weed and lying to me.
I HATE ADDICTION! But, I love my friend!
Anyone else ever stay friends with an ex? Anyone else stay in a relationship where you are broken up over and over?
I'd run from this guy and never look back. I can see the pain he's caused you. You can love someone, but it doesn't mean you'll have a healthy relationship. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
ReplyDeleteMy ex's are my ex's and I've no desire to see how they are doing or even seeing them. I wish them well, but they can be well somewhere other than around me.
Have a fabulous day and week, Ann. ♥
You are right Sandee! They are ex's for a reason! HA! Thanks for sharing your experience!You guys are the best! HUGS!
DeletePutting my two cents worth in: if he lies to you about the weed he is using, what else could/would he be lying about? Just a thought to keep in mind.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree Mara! Totally! Thanks for the input - I know everyone is right - sometimes I need to be told more than most! HA! Thank you! HUGS
DeleteAnn,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you are going through this.
I pray it works out the way it is supposed to.
Hugs!
If you can remain friends without getting romatically involved, go have dinner. But keep it at that...
ReplyDeleteI hate addiction too. It took my cousins life, so I totally see where you are coming from.
ReplyDeleteRight!? I have lost so many friends and family because of it and I know I can;t make anyone stop...it is so frustrating when you see someone you care about wasting their life and health! UGH! Have a great week - HUGS
DeleteAddiction is awful and it is easy to get sucked in when you care so much about someone whether a good friend or family member. The lying and verbal abuse is the tell-tale for me. Be very careful.
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely right! It always bothered me that he could be so mean and cruel to his own kids - then toward the end (before the stroke) that is why I broke it off with him the last time. He was lying about the weed and also getting verbally abusive with me - I will not deal with that ever! Thanks for the input - you are SO right! HUGS!
DeleteI hope that what is best for both of you happens. Big hugs
ReplyDeleteThanks Mags!!! Have a fantastic week - you are so sweet! HUGS!
DeleteUgh! So sorry you're heart is playing games with your head. My BF experienced much the same thing with her late fiancé, only his was an alcohol addiction - coupled with CHF and diabetes. They way in which he treated both Debbie and his daughter made him a very unsympathetic creature. I'm sorry he passed, but unlike your friend, never did a single thing to amend his behaviors.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I don't know if your friend is this way, but Carl was always telling Debbie she had changed and insinuating things were somehow her fault.
DeleteNo real experience with an ex but some people do mellow in their older years....but then some people never change.
ReplyDeleteExactly Andrew! I keep hoping for the first but he seems to enjoy what he is doing for sure! HUGS - have a great week!
DeleteSending hugs your way. Maybe staying friends and seeing where he's at - whether he's telling the truth or lying. You've got to do what's best for you and sometimes that's letting someone go if things aren't working.
ReplyDeleteSpring is finally coming to Michigan - the daffodils were out today :)
Yay Spring! I am so happy to hear it made it's way to Michigan! It is definitely springing here in PA! The tree in front of my condo is blooming and so beautiful already!!!! YAY! Thanks for stopping by and commenting! I know yo are right! Have a fantastic week! HUGS
DeleteDealing with any kind if addiction is no fun. My ex husband and Wade both were alcoholics.
ReplyDeleteOh ugh! Glad he is your ex then! I know you get the struggle...it sucks! I need to run the other way and not initiate the friendship again by calling! Have a great week! HUGS
DeleteThat's such a tough situation. And, no. Unless we were friends before (and we never were), I've never been friends with an ex.
ReplyDeleteYou just have to remember that people have to be willing to help themselves, I suppose. You can't do it for them.
You are absolutely right Kristen! He is definitely not willing right now! Have a great week! HUGS
DeleteSadly, they will only quit when they are ready to quit and if he is not ready than he will continue to do the same thing over and over again....Thanks so much for stopping by!!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Debbie
Thank you Debbie - I know you are right! So sad! Thanks for coming by and commenting! HUGS TO YOU!
DeleteI've never kept an ex around as a friend, but I have known people who are in the throes of addiction. In my opinion, the best thing you can do is let go of any expectations.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely correct I am sure Kathy! You are smart - I need to follow this lead! Have a great week and thanks for stopping by! HUGS
DeleteTo answer your questions, no to both. I am sorry that your friend of so many years keeps letting you down.
ReplyDeleteThank you Terri! I realize that someone cannot let me down more than once unless I allow them by returning, right? So it is on me in part! Glad you have Joe - he is a catch! Have a great day Terri!
DeleteAnswer your questions- NO. I am sorry that you are going through this. It sucks. Addiction is not a good thing. Something I grew up at home. I am not a fan of weed. There is a reason I haven't talked to him really in about eight years and that is because of his serious pot smoking.
ReplyDeleteSending you prayers and positive thoughts.
WOW Patrick! I am sorry you had to go through that! I have the luxury of walking away but as a child you did not! So sorry! It really sucks that they have no idea how much they affect others and how much they are wasting their lives!!!! I hope you have a great week! HUGS
DeleteWhat a story. Sorry you had to go through all of this. I'm sure in the end you'll make the right decision for you and no one else.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
www.fashionradi.com
Thank for stopping by and commenting! I hope you have a fantastic day! HUGS
DeleteHugs to you Ann. You are smart, intuitive and a grown ass woman. I trust you know what’s best for you and when too. I wish you peace, love and belonging, wherever that leads you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Linda! That is really sweet - I hope you have a terrific day! HUGS
DeleteRelationships are so hard. I think you were right to break up with him but I understand how much you care. Some people never change. ((Hugs)) I pray you can find peace in your heart whichever direction you go.
ReplyDeleteThank you Debby! I agree - just sucks to care! HUGS right back to you! Have a great day!
DeleteIt's understanding that you care deeply for him and want what's best for him, but you know to be careful.
ReplyDeleteTo answer your questions, I've remained friends with a couple of exes, but since I'm hitched, I'm not in touch with either of them much. The ONE "pothead" I dated - no desire to catch up with him.
So you totally get it...I know what I need to do it is just so hard to actually do it! UGH! Thanks for stopping by and letting me know your experience! HUGS Abby!!!!
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