Wednesday, September 16, 2020

Suck It Up Buttercup!

 Okay guys!!!

A month ago I was pre-notified that I will be notified in October that my job here in Pittsburgh has been eliminated.

We were all given the option to make ourselves available for positions in St. Louis, MI and / or Whippany, NJ if we were willing to move. I declined.

This job loss comes as no surprise since the company announced the site closure more than a year ago.

So, why you ask am I so sad and depressed??? I do not know....

I was expecting it totally but after 15 years of employment there; I have to admit it hit m hard.

I am not even completely done until next month but I have not been feeling great at all.

So, I have been doing the bare minimum. I have been getting up and logging into work from home and that is about it. I have going to see my parents on the weekends but deep down inside I have not been okay. I make no effort to bath everyday or try to look nice....some days I do not make it out of jammies!!! I think it has been a combination of Covid shock and job shock! HA

I am now at the point where I need to begin to "get out there" and live again!! I did not want to post because I try really hard to be positive on this blog and I just did not have it in me. But please know I have missed you all sooo very much and your sweet and caring comments (even the tough ones) have been so appreciated!

It is way overdo so I am now going to commit to a few things that will help my drag my butt out of the funk. Time to pull up my big girl pants and make sure the next chapter is the best yet!!!  I will be making the following commitments to myself...

  • cook healthy keto every night for dinner and get my weight under control
  • take at least one walk outside a day
  • get my butt out to barre class in person whenever possible (I have been doing online classes and it is not the same - I cheat sooo much when I am not there in person)
  • Begin looking for a new job that I can work while going to school!!!

Yes, you read that last bullet right. I have decided that I need to make a difference in this world and I can not imagine returning to the corporate world so I will be going back to school ASAP for nursing. I will be taking classes at a local college and with any luck, will get my RN within the next two years.

I am so super excited! My mother was a nurse and my aunt too and they loved it! I am super excited to make a difference to someone instead of pushing papers and working behind a desk.

I will need to find a job to pay bills while I go to school but I am ready to commit to building an even more amazing life than I had before this chapter.

So, again, thank you so much to all of you for your kind words and your "tough" words - every one of your comments helped me move through this in their way.

On another note: I have an update for all my long time readers.  I am sure you all remember my last boyfriend. We were together off and on for over four years.  He had a stroke and was not doing anything to help himself get better so I had to walk away over a year ago. Well, his daughter has notified me that he had another stroke and is in a nursing care home. He is confined to a wheelchair and can only move his fingers and head.

I went to visit him through the window and his mouth moved soo much but i could not hear what he was saying. Then he turned away and would not look at me at all. I could not tell if he was sleeping or what. The nursing home asked if I wanted to set up a zoom call with him but I asked them to check with him first because it seemed weird to me that he had turned his head away and I did not want to do any harm by visiting. They called me today and said he does not want me to visit anymore. So it is what it is. I said some very harsh things to him the last time we broke up due to his continued drug use after a stroke and sadly; it has turned out exactly like I said it would so I am sure that has something to do with his decision. I will always love him as we were friends for years before we started dating and I wish him peace. He has family that visits so that is good. His daughter let me know today that they are starting hospice because of his fast decline. If you have any spare prayers please send some his way - his name is Mark.

I am so happy to begin this new chapter and see what life brings. Thank you all for your patience and your comments. They all meant so much during this break!! I am back with a vengeance and ready to take on whatever comes my way.

Hugs and love to you all! I hope you have all been well and safe and I am going to go catch up now!

XOXOXOXOXO


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