Wednesday, September 16, 2020

Suck It Up Buttercup!

 Okay guys!!!

A month ago I was pre-notified that I will be notified in October that my job here in Pittsburgh has been eliminated.

We were all given the option to make ourselves available for positions in St. Louis, MI and / or Whippany, NJ if we were willing to move. I declined.

This job loss comes as no surprise since the company announced the site closure more than a year ago.

So, why you ask am I so sad and depressed??? I do not know....

I was expecting it totally but after 15 years of employment there; I have to admit it hit m hard.

I am not even completely done until next month but I have not been feeling great at all.

So, I have been doing the bare minimum. I have been getting up and logging into work from home and that is about it. I have going to see my parents on the weekends but deep down inside I have not been okay. I make no effort to bath everyday or try to look nice....some days I do not make it out of jammies!!! I think it has been a combination of Covid shock and job shock! HA

I am now at the point where I need to begin to "get out there" and live again!! I did not want to post because I try really hard to be positive on this blog and I just did not have it in me. But please know I have missed you all sooo very much and your sweet and caring comments (even the tough ones) have been so appreciated!

It is way overdo so I am now going to commit to a few things that will help my drag my butt out of the funk. Time to pull up my big girl pants and make sure the next chapter is the best yet!!!  I will be making the following commitments to myself...

  • cook healthy keto every night for dinner and get my weight under control
  • take at least one walk outside a day
  • get my butt out to barre class in person whenever possible (I have been doing online classes and it is not the same - I cheat sooo much when I am not there in person)
  • Begin looking for a new job that I can work while going to school!!!

Yes, you read that last bullet right. I have decided that I need to make a difference in this world and I can not imagine returning to the corporate world so I will be going back to school ASAP for nursing. I will be taking classes at a local college and with any luck, will get my RN within the next two years.

I am so super excited! My mother was a nurse and my aunt too and they loved it! I am super excited to make a difference to someone instead of pushing papers and working behind a desk.

I will need to find a job to pay bills while I go to school but I am ready to commit to building an even more amazing life than I had before this chapter.

So, again, thank you so much to all of you for your kind words and your "tough" words - every one of your comments helped me move through this in their way.

On another note: I have an update for all my long time readers.  I am sure you all remember my last boyfriend. We were together off and on for over four years.  He had a stroke and was not doing anything to help himself get better so I had to walk away over a year ago. Well, his daughter has notified me that he had another stroke and is in a nursing care home. He is confined to a wheelchair and can only move his fingers and head.

I went to visit him through the window and his mouth moved soo much but i could not hear what he was saying. Then he turned away and would not look at me at all. I could not tell if he was sleeping or what. The nursing home asked if I wanted to set up a zoom call with him but I asked them to check with him first because it seemed weird to me that he had turned his head away and I did not want to do any harm by visiting. They called me today and said he does not want me to visit anymore. So it is what it is. I said some very harsh things to him the last time we broke up due to his continued drug use after a stroke and sadly; it has turned out exactly like I said it would so I am sure that has something to do with his decision. I will always love him as we were friends for years before we started dating and I wish him peace. He has family that visits so that is good. His daughter let me know today that they are starting hospice because of his fast decline. If you have any spare prayers please send some his way - his name is Mark.

I am so happy to begin this new chapter and see what life brings. Thank you all for your patience and your comments. They all meant so much during this break!! I am back with a vengeance and ready to take on whatever comes my way.

Hugs and love to you all! I hope you have all been well and safe and I am going to go catch up now!



  1. You have been on my mind and in my prayers so I was relieved to see your new post. Change is always tough especially when you know something is going to end, but aren't sure when. It sounds like you have taken the time you needed to adjust and come up with a course of action for the next portion of your life's journey. Well done! I hope you find the needed job so you can work and go to school at the same time. Offering a prayer for your former boyfriend and continuing to offer my thoughts and prayers to you.

  2. I'm sorry to hear about your job. Even though you knew it was coming it doesn't make it any easier especially after 15 years. Best of luck to you in your new adventure to become a nurse.
    I'm also sorry to hear about your ex boyfriend. Prayers to him and his family

  3. Sorry about Mark, you apparently made the right decision. But the new chapter in your life sounds exciting. Good luck with it.

  4. Sending hugs your way. Sounds like there's a lot going on. I'm glad you made a decision about what to do next. Sorry about the ex. It's sad it happened to him.

  5. It is so good to find you here again!! I am excited for you to start a new chapter in your life and nursing is such a great profession. I wish you well and look forward to traveling that path with you through your posts! Thanks for letting us go along with you! xoxox

  6. Congratulations for coming up with a plan for the next chunk of your life. I will send up some prayers for Mark. It sucks loving an addict.

  7. You've got a great plan for the next phase in your life. I'm praying and cheering for you!

  8. I am so happy that you have a plan. Hopefully, you will be getting some sort of severance package.

    Prayers for your ex-boyfriend. You can say that you tried. I am going through this with my brother. We really stopped talking about nine years ago. I found out through my daughter, he had a brain tumor removed and he had lung cancer. I called him and he told me to F-OFF. Some people carry a whole lot of hate with them.

    I will leave you with a line from the end of American History X: "Hate is baggage, life's too short to be pissed off all the time, it's just not worth it."

    Both of us in attempting to reach to those who are having issues are shedding ourselves of our own baggage and all we can do is pray for them.

  9. I’m so happy to hear that you are excited about the new direction in your life. That’s so sad about Mark. You’ve been kind. I’m wishing you the very best. I love it that you are choosing to become a nurse. My nephew is a nurse and is finding it very rewarding.

  10. I will pray that Mark goes in peace. Sounds like you did the right things, even though it's sad. I am sending hugs to you about your job loss. I have been retired some time, got to retire early. The first thing I did the day I retired , I cried, because I had no job. Working is a big part of our lives. But I must say, you seem to have set a great goal for yourself and I will pray you get that degree in nursing. Blessings, xoxo, Susie

  11. I wondered what has been going on etc. I pray that nursing school will find you in a better job position etc. Keeping in a 53 year old recent graduate with a BA in History (May 16)...job hunting has been very hard. Well, lets just keep it real; this shutdown here in NY state is causing the job hunt to be non exsitent. So, 'suck it up buttercup' became my mantra (I said it to myself) and went in a completely different direction. I accepted a supervisory job at a major retailer. Well, the loans have to get paid back, and food on the table etc. I should start training next week...oh and I found ageism is a real thing...not meaning to reign on the parade. I was just about to give up and throw my hands in the air (ok, I did) when the call came in. Background, credit check, fingerprints, resume passed etc. I had originally applied for a HR position 12 weeks ago. is what it is.

    Wishing you tons of luck and prayers. This is a scary time, I get it. Truly I do.

  12. Oh, it's so good to hear from you, and I''m sorry you've been struggling. But I love that you've taken the time to think about your next chapter. You will make an exceptional nurse!
    Tough story about Mark, even though you saw it coming. He was blessed to have you in his life.

  13. Sorry to hear you've been having such a rough time. Dealing with the pandemic restrictions is hard enough but throw in redundancy and the situation with your ex it's not surprising you've been down. But so glad you've made decisions about your future. Good luck with all of that and hope you find another job soon.

  14. I'm a bit of the same and I still have a job lol. This darn working from home is a weird thing. So sorry to hear about your ex.

  15. Jinkies! Sorry for the loss of your job of years, but congrats on turning it into a new chapter for you :)

  16. You have so much on your plate these days. Please do not try to work through it all at once. I think it is very exciting you are trying a new career. That should keep you focused on the future.


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