Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Dilemma - End it?

I have been really letting my life ride on coast lately and I am not sure why but recently I realized that I need to get back to making me a priority.
I realized that I let others dictate my time and activities instead of it being me deciding what to do and where to go and with whom.
Not that I am forced, mind you, just that I put my own needs way after others in my life.

So, lately, I have slacked off my meetings (my total sanity), slacked off my workouts (from three hours a night to three hours a week) and slacked off my housecleaning and kitten snuggling time (spending most of my time away from home). 

The slacking was okay as I thought I was working toward building a future with someone. 

Well, I found out last night that we have VERY different goals for this relationship.  

His plans are for things to stay as is and date forever (or live together ... that's his big goal). He seems very serious and steadfast about this like he has his mind made up. He said he will never get married again, it will never be an option in his life.

And me...well, I do not want to live with someone if I am not married. Call me old-fashioned but I am too old for playing house and I am looking for a life partner....someone to grow old with, have stability with and share my life with...not a roommate. Is this stubborn and unfair of me? With 9 months already invested, I am not sure what to do. I love him but I am not willing to settle for his vision for my life and I am afraid that I will waste more time on a relationship that will never come to fruition in the end...

I am sad, frustrated and just generally irritated at this point but I have realized that I have to take action and, at the very least, get my life back! I am starting the AdvoCare 24 day challenge to get this stupid weight off again (my "I am happy so I can eat" weight) and hitting the gym daily again. I will not be spending my nights sitting on the porch of some house that will never be a part of my life. Back to dating I suppose...I am SOOOOOO confused!

HELP!!!!!!!!!!! Any comments or suggestions would be welcome. Have any of you ever experienced this? It is painful to think of ending the relationship but I am unsure of I should waste more time? Again, HELP!!! Your opinions and comments are sooooooo appreciated!

Happy hump day!!!




 

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